Originally Posted by
SaTiT 
lower you expectations.
I wish I understood at the time how my expectations helped to cause my own grief when I was with XABF.
Originally Posted by
spinner He is consumed by anxiety (one of the main reasons he drank).
He drinks cuz he's an alcoholic, not because he's anxious. Remove anxiety with no program of recovery and something else will become the reason, the most likely thing he'll pick - YOU.
Originally Posted by
spinner I feel mean about this but I think I need to protect myself.
When I think of leaving him I feel like a mean cold-hearted person.
I have epilepsy which I've been working hard to treat all my life. I got better because I take care of myself on a daily basis - I have to or else not only me, but others pay, I'll lose my license if I have a seizure if I forget to take my meds and who's going to take me to work? So, I take care of me so I can be self-sufficient and not have to depend on others. I don't say I can't go to work today cuz I have epilepsy. I go to work BECAUSE I have epilepsy and I need money for medicine and insurance to see the doctor.
You aren't being mean or cold-hearted for refusing to lend a hand to someone who doesn't care enough about his or her own self to do it for themselves. It's protecting yourself and helping the person to face consequences and be accountable to the choices they make.
I think you got it right spinner - you are waiting to see actions from him - can he be self-sufficient? Can he be independent? Being independent is hard enough when it's just 1 person. When you are doing things for him, it will come at your expense...and I think you see that
