I guess I don't know what that means. I've heard that before, but get confused. Obviously if I looked for the apartment, found the apartment, paid for the apartment, packed him up and moved him in I can see that is clearly enabling. But letting him back home (I don't even know if legally I can keep him from being here if I wanted to as we are not divorced) until he finds the apartment and being cordial (is that making it easier on him or is it just coping)? I really can't see this situation clearly. My heart says of course be kind, let him come back, but then I hear another voice that says, tough love, kick him out and don't talk to him, don't see him etc.
I'm trying to take care of myself and be true to the person I want to be. But just can't move forward on this one until I'm clear on the enabling thing.