If it were me and I was not comfortable going I wouldn't go. And as you describe it I wouldn't be comfortable. IF he wanted me to go I would only go if the family was informed of the problem. IF he wouldn't do that, I would not go. IF asked, I would be 100% honest and tell them exactly why. I will not keep unhealthy secrets.
I am truly listening to what everyone is saying. I appreciate all advice given. I am having a really difficult time wrapping my head around this one. The above quote is exactly how I feel about the situation. It's the secrets I'm sick of in general. I'm tired of being the bad guy.
I don't have a good time being around the excessive drinking and find myself focusing on AH and if he's drinking and how many he's had and his behavior. I don't enjoy being with him if he gets drunk.
This is also what happens if I go there. Oddly, their drinking doesn't bother me one bit. There was a time I used to enjoy having a few beers with his parents myself. That just got old after years of watching how far it would go with my A and his dad.
Why don't YOU tell his family why you are not attending?
This I have no problem with. My A states that this is none of my business and should keep my mouth shut. I have been known to tell it as it is a few times with his family and they didn't take it very well. Long story. I had asked my A to discuss with his family member certain things were inappropriate and he refused. I finally had enough, so I did it. Caused big problems. I think it's his family, his responsibility.