I remember when my RA was actively using our disagreements were not "real" it felt like i was watching it on TV or it wasn't happening to me. i just didn't understand.
as he worked his steps i was so confused becuase he would quote the big book and step work. I was like what are you talking about. i grew more confused the more he talked.
the folllowing week i went to a meeting and asked someone to be my sponsor. and since i have been working the steps i understand his thinking and his new way of dealing with letting go and asking his HP for guidance. i too look towards my HP for guidance and since than i (we) have been communicating much better. i was never very good at communicating with him, so i understand the frustration of not being able to communicate with someone you love.
congrats on your recovery and thatnk you for sharing your story