My husband always promised we'd go on vacation. We NEVER did. He'd promise all kind of things, I would get excited but then, as usual, we never go to do anything.
After a while when the promises kept coming, I didn't get excited any more.
I just blew it off as another addict moment.
He went down hill slowly. When he finally got to be 6' tall and weigh 150, I felt like I woke up one morning and he had been replaced with a different person. In fact I had.
I stayed sad all the time, pining for what used to be.
I realized I couldn't change anything, but I could change my own life and start planning things without him.
I am at peace now. I have been for a couple of years. He chose all his addictions over me and I couldn't live in it.
I still remember the smart, educated, funny man I married. He's not the same guy anymore.
On a last note, I believe they don't have a choice as to what or who they choose over their addiction. It's the core of addictons.
I once listened in alanon to a woman. She remembered her grandfather driving to her mothers house, with her in the car. He stopped at the local package store and just stood outside the door. She said she knows now that he really didn't want to go in there. He was trying to fight going in and buying a bottle.
The alcoholism eventually won, as it always does, and he went in and bought a bottle.
So, he fed his addiction even though it was the last thing he truly wanted.
Alcoholics and addicts really don't want to live like this. But without AA or some kind of workable program, and the willingness to admit their lives have become unmanagable, they stay right where they are.
That's just a little of my understanding of their behavior.
I hope you're feeling better soon.