Somehow, the codependency/alcoholism thing comes into play in these situations I think. I mean, surely it can't be normal for women to be so heavily involved in their adult son's lives. Why the need for so much control over the grandkids? Who does it benefit?
When I first met my husband, his mother told me horror stories about his first wife. At first, I could not believe he ever married her. She sounded absolutely horrible. We always managed to keep our distance, and she's been living in another country for several years now, so I never met her face to face. But after being exposed to my MIL and me waking up a bit, I started to put some pieces of the puzzle together. When my skids have brought up the subject of their mother, I have listened and spoke with compassion. They probably think that's bizarre because nobody has ever told me the first wife's position, but I think some of it is pretty obvious. The first wife is nice to me when we speak on the phone, albeit a bit of a language barrier.
I try to focus on my family also. That has worked well for me. Being here is just a reminder of the years of turmoil we've been through. It's no wonder my AH is an alcoholic. His mother abused him when he was a kid. Lots of rage in her household. Sometimes it just bothers me. I don't necessarily mind if my skids don't want a relationship with me. It just bothers me when they are still outright rude to me. I'm 40. I don't feel like pretending they aren't rude anymore. Luckily I'm only down to 1 adult child, but is it just too much to say hello? I'm gonna let go and go for a walk. Thanks all.