I have felt the same way many times. I don't think God is punishing me any longer, the actions of others and us allowing it are punishing..for what, I don't know. I have learned that in the worst of times, God is walking with me, sometimes carrying me when I can't take another step.
Someone on this forum told me to imagine my daughter doing her "thing" and God was there with her, she chose to ignore him. I visualize that daily. Her walking and his arms outstretched waiting on her, and she keeps on going down the wrong path. I hope maybe that image will help you.
God is there, he is good. Sometimes the evil in the world is what is punishing and making it look like God. The ultimate lie!
Prayers for you
susan