Honey the fact you realize your confusion is a good thing..I got worried that you had all that weight in you shoulders.I will tell you why..When my uncle died i started thinking that all those people i knew and loved, who died, would be tremendously disappointed at me, looking down from Heaven, and seeing how troubled i was after all, being that i always was the guy who looked to be positive and ok...It took me a long time to realize that i am human and whatever they are doing up there they would understand my struggles....I think the fact you are recovering of two things is quite difficult...Are you being supported by other people?