Stillsearching, I'm finally getting to the point where I don't give more than a passing thought to whether AH is drinking again or not. As I grow in my ability to detach, I find it just doesn't matter. Even if he was still not drinking, has started going to AA, is seriously working on all his problems, it changes nothing as far as what I want for my life and what I will do to reach those goals. I sincerely hope AH is doing all those things but its no longer my direct concern. I find that I am feeling much better letting go all that baggage that is not mine. I put AH in God's hands and trust in God to deal with and help AH.
I see my attorney next Thursday to start the whole legal separation and divorce process. Its going to feel so good (even if I ahve to write that huge check for the retainer fee).