I am sooooo sorry for what you are going through! I think you should move on and not worry about what she will think or do. This not to be cold, but realistic. My AH has no reasoning capabilities. Nothing I say gets through right now. She is not going to hear anything you say in any meaningful way. So, take care of you, your kids, and if necessary your investments and money matters. Got to court and get the car. She is not going to take care of you or kids, only herself as that is all she can see right now (and she can't even do that while active A).
I understand the caretaking role you have going on...I am still doing it to a degree, but have learned that I cannot fix his problems or make him better...and you cannot do that for her either. My AH came close to losing everything before he would quit drinking (and he has really not done that either). For your sake and your children's sake, bring some peace to your lives and move on. Us codies are very loyal and helpful and want to help. You cannot help her anymore...that is a really hard concept for us codies to accept. Take care of you.....
No offense with my opinions.....wish you the best.