Hey everyone, thank you, thank you. Just needed to hear some others views and get it out.
I have an appointment with a lawyer to sort the divorce (paperwork and filing) out next week.
Our financial settlement was done when he first moved out over a year ago (he needed the money but there wasn't much to be had). The day after he said he wanted 'out' the house was on the market, it sold within a week, and 30 days later I was moving out (he wanted it all NOW).
My solicitor at the time said he was entitled to absolutely nothing as he had gambled mega thousands of dollars over our years, I had come in with money and he'd had none, my mum had given us many thousands and bought both our cars because the money all went. At the end there was not much to be had as it had all been wasted so it was kind of moot. He had to get 10,000 from his parents to cover the debts on credit cards I didn't know about, and still had lots of debt remaining. He probably could have taken me to court as I'm sure even though I didn't know about all the debts I was probably responsible for them too legally, but my family (my brother in particular) went ballistic and said if you want to go to court let's go and you won't know what's hit you and my AH backed down and took what he could get then as he needed it straight away. Took the good car and more than half the furntiture too.
We have been back together twice since then.... first time we went to joint counselling - only lasted 3 weeks. Second time he went to therapy alone and it lasted 5 months before he threw it in. That time as he was leaving he said he just needed time to think about whether or not he wanted to 'give me the flick'. I told him not to bother thinking, just be gone for good. Of course since then he has tried to get me into bed and been told to get away.
I have been seeing a fantastic counsellor for the last 6 months or so. Just got back from an hour with her, and have another hour tomorrow. I have severed all contact several times and been drawn back in with threats of self harm from him, and how he can't live without me etc etc. This time I think he's too preoccupied, but if he comes back or contacts me in any way every again he will be given very short shift. I can't bear to look at him let alone fathom talking to him. He is truly a creep. And, as my counsellor said has other issues underlying the addictions such as being a sociopath, a dominator and a complete con man. I just hate that I ever got sucked in with his charm at the beginning, I cannot believe I was ever so stupid, and the anger I feel towards myself is incredible.
I have made moves to get on with my life.... therapy, reading quotes, journalling, going out with friends, trying to save some money, keeping in touch with my family, joining new groups, getting back into my old hobbies.... this latest episode just threw me all for a loop for some reason and set me way back.
The children are his from his first marriage and I feel he is being such a poor role model for them, but not much I can do about it, that is up to their mother. I miss them though.
Thank you all again - you have no idea how much it has helped me just to hear plain speak from others who have been there. xx