Well...(((Hugs)))) to those I see having a "sad" time as of late! It must be in the air!
I went on vacation to the shore for a week with my sister (thank God!) and the parents! I saw alot of stuff in myself that I still need alot of work on!!! Yuck Patooey!
Ok so day one.....(RAIN!)- it was the first night there so things were ok....
Day two (RAIN)(LOTS OF SHOPPING)- This was to be a celebration of my Birthday-(mind you I never expected any "validation" from my mother because she has been unable to do so no my birthday since I was 13)(They use to go AWAY every year on my birthday) anyway....I cooked dinner (yup) me! My mother starts in while I was trying to get food on the table for (9 people) we had nephew, friends etc....down.. she starts with "did you cook the rice?" "I can cook the rice" "want me to cook the rice" blah blah blah....I was very nice (Pat on back) "No Mom thank you I have it done, just trying to get everything to the table".....she goes and stands in with my dad (step) in front of my sister and everyone else in the room (making arses of themselves) talking about ME! I looked at my sister-and she shook her head.....well.......
I SNAPPED! I cannot say if it was good or not-(my sis knew it was coming)(we do not hold back how we feel anymore!)
I told the both of them that was unacceptable for them to be doing that as if i was not in the room and if they were going to continue to do so I was going to leave! My mom stopped upstairs for the rest of the night (tail between legs) needless to say when the birthday cake came out they both were hiding upstairs (IMAGINE THAT)
Day 3,4,5 (RAIN)(SHOPPING, SHOPPING) Ok so that was one incident and the other pretty was much was the same result!
Do not get me wrong I love them....but I actually saw more of how much healthier that I am and how they will not change-they will always see me as this little 10 year old snotty spoiled mouthy brat! (Which I'am not) they will never validate our feelings ....they just do not know how! (My sister actually went off on my mom the day before we went to the shore)
Ok ....so it felt good to speak what I felt but at the same time-part of me is sad because it is like reality actually finally hit with what I already knew about them! I have accepted it-but I guess not to the fullest extent that I need too! I thought I had fully but after this week I see that is not the case!
WOW REALITY CHECK!
This is acceptance stuff is tuff! I guess it was a growing experience this week and something that was painful that I needed to go through with them one final last time!
I just feel so off balance right now! "Codie Crazies"
Phew ok enough said! Sorry for the long babble!
Oh and by the way did not get to the beach till FRIDAY! It rained all week! Ha Ha it was as if my HP was telling me I needed the rainy days! LOL
