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Vacation......*sigh*

Old 08-26-2007, 05:01 PM
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Vacation......*sigh*

Well...(((Hugs)))) to those I see having a "sad" time as of late! It must be in the air!

I went on vacation to the shore for a week with my sister (thank God!) and the parents! I saw alot of stuff in myself that I still need alot of work on!!! Yuck Patooey!

Ok so day one.....(RAIN!)- it was the first night there so things were ok....

Day two (RAIN)(LOTS OF SHOPPING)- This was to be a celebration of my Birthday-(mind you I never expected any "validation" from my mother because she has been unable to do so no my birthday since I was 13)(They use to go AWAY every year on my birthday) anyway....I cooked dinner (yup) me! My mother starts in while I was trying to get food on the table for (9 people) we had nephew, friends etc....down.. she starts with "did you cook the rice?" "I can cook the rice" "want me to cook the rice" blah blah blah....I was very nice (Pat on back) "No Mom thank you I have it done, just trying to get everything to the table".....she goes and stands in with my dad (step) in front of my sister and everyone else in the room (making arses of themselves) talking about ME! I looked at my sister-and she shook her head.....well.......

I SNAPPED! I cannot say if it was good or not-(my sis knew it was coming)(we do not hold back how we feel anymore!)

I told the both of them that was unacceptable for them to be doing that as if i was not in the room and if they were going to continue to do so I was going to leave! My mom stopped upstairs for the rest of the night (tail between legs) needless to say when the birthday cake came out they both were hiding upstairs (IMAGINE THAT)

Day 3,4,5 (RAIN)(SHOPPING, SHOPPING) Ok so that was one incident and the other pretty was much was the same result!

Do not get me wrong I love them....but I actually saw more of how much healthier that I am and how they will not change-they will always see me as this little 10 year old snotty spoiled mouthy brat! (Which I'am not) they will never validate our feelings ....they just do not know how! (My sister actually went off on my mom the day before we went to the shore)

Ok ....so it felt good to speak what I felt but at the same time-part of me is sad because it is like reality actually finally hit with what I already knew about them! I have accepted it-but I guess not to the fullest extent that I need too! I thought I had fully but after this week I see that is not the case!

WOW REALITY CHECK!

This is acceptance stuff is tuff! I guess it was a growing experience this week and something that was painful that I needed to go through with them one final last time!

I just feel so off balance right now! "Codie Crazies"

Phew ok enough said! Sorry for the long babble!

Oh and by the way did not get to the beach till FRIDAY! It rained all week! Ha Ha it was as if my HP was telling me I needed the rainy days! LOL
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Old 08-26-2007, 05:51 PM
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There is a way to ensure that next year's vacation won't be a repeat of this year's vacation: go without them. Sorry you had a miserable time.
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Old 08-26-2007, 06:09 PM
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So sorry your feeling this way. Something is definately in the air today, we all have sad posts today. I just had a 9 day vacation with my brother and parents and it was challenging at times to say the least. My brother eggs me on (still at 28) which gets my mother going and my dad is just there laid back. I feel your pain, like FD said, next year should be different lol! Hope the week is better for you
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Old 08-26-2007, 06:14 PM
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well rella, i'm sorry that this trip wasn't exactly what you planned for. maybe you and your sister should go alone somewhere! (and take me with ) we're glad to have you back!
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Old 08-27-2007, 03:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
I SNAPPED! I cannot say if it was good or not I told the both of them that was unacceptable....and if they were going to continue to do so I was going to leave!
From my perspective, I think that was good. You stood up for and defended yourself! When I do the same with my Dad, he too kind of cowers within himself and gets very quiet. Years ago, he would have ripped me a new, 'you know what'. I think when we upset the apple cart by changing the 'dance steps', they don't know how to deal with it. But that's not really important. What is important is that you didn't accept the unacceptable, and THAT is wonderful!!

Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
Do not get me wrong I love them....but I actually saw more of how much healthier that I am and how they will not change-
Yeah, I've had those same feelings. I still love my Dad, and the funny thing is, I think even 'he' is beginning to see how much healthier I am (by me defending myself and NOT taking is poop anymore). Sometimes the change might be slow in coming, and, it may not be enough or what we are looking for, but don't be surprised if down the road 'subtle' changes may take effect on them. I wouldn't expect a 180 though as your Mom is probably set in her ways just like my Dad is.


Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
... I have accepted it-but I guess not to the fullest extent that I need too! I thought I had fully but after this week I see that is not the case!
I have similar feelings too. Just when I think I have an issue resolved it comes into view once again in different ways. I guess that happens to show me I still have some homework due on that particular subject. (my issue a couple of days ago comes to mind here). I just hate when it comes back to bite me!

Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
I guess it was a growing experience this week and something that was painful that I needed to go through with them one final last time!
Or, it might come up again in different form. I know, maybe it's another 'practice' session until we've mastered the lesson to be learned. Ohhhh....yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking with it, LOL!

Sorry your vacation wasn't all you hoped for, but, if you can walk away from it with some lessons learned (like not going with them next year perhaps?) then you're doing better than you did say a year ago. Progress, right?
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:01 AM
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Thank you ALL!

(((FD))) my sis and I are already checking into a trip down there ourselves! We considered renting this townhouse again as we have the chance to do so. Great thinking FD!

((((InThisForMe))) it sleeps 6-7 comfortably! Your welcome!

((((Hbb)))) annoying I know about the "egging" it is us who learn eventually how not to feed the egg!

((((ICU)))) again as always you astound me! Everything you said hit it right on the nose!
I cannot even comment to your post because it said everything that I needed to hear!

It amazes me also how we think we have come so far (we really have though) and then BAM as you said......

I love changing the dance as you stated too....they do not know how to react and react in such a childish way that sadly I know that I have to be proud of myself after all these years for not being AFRAID to tell them just how I feel!

We were raised with the old saying "Always remember no matter what your Mother is always right, then you will have no problems" Ummmm errrrr Ummmmm hmmmmmm nope no problems growing up just when I got older! LOL

It feels great to be able to tell someone the behavior that they display is unacceptable to me! WOW what a revelation! wooo hooo I want more more more!


And actually the funny thing is they said they were never coming to NJ to see their girls anymore-and especially not down the shore for a week because of our (mostly mine) behavior! Ha Ha Ha
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
And actually the funny thing is they said they were never coming to NJ to see their girls anymore-and especially not down the shore for a week because of our (mostly mine) behavior! Ha Ha Ha
Could be a blessing in disguise? Lol;-)

(((Rella))) This vacation shall pass too, the next one can only be much better!
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:31 AM
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Hi'ya, glad to help if I could. I love how we feed off each other here. It's just incredible!

Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
And actually the funny thing is they said they were never coming to NJ to see their girls anymore-and especially not down the shore for a week because of our (mostly mine) behavior! Ha Ha Ha
Soooo, you'll be having a vacancy next year???? I'll make the ultimate sacrifice and join you 'down the shore' if you're in need of an extra head! That is, if it doesn't interfere with my 'Kenny' schedule. Oh heck, I'll just have to bring you along with me to that!!
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:42 AM
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Vacancy for you SURE! And AHEM yes you will have to bring me along to "Kenny" and we can go seeking out that talent that so rarely frequents the shore! LOL
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