Jenny,
Ever think that he is reacting to your non-reacting? When I was really detaching from my RAH, boy did he start getting out of control. That's when he/our relationship started spiraling downhill. Last year at this time I swore I wasn't going to leave/divorce him, I came here just to learn how to deal with being in a one sided marriage (like you, I was big on the "we" "us" and a happy marriage with mutual respect). Four months ago, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and had actual plans in place to leave. You'll know when the time is right if you should decide to leave. Until then, keep working on YOU (and keep reading and posting, this place really helps!!!).
Terri