Code
I feel your pain. Part of being the one that loves the addict is that constant paranoia that they are up to something. I feel the exact same way. If my BF is not around me or comes to bed at the same time as me (a bunch of his friends were also users so it still scares me when they come over), or he goes out etc. and I can't control/don't know what is going on. You become used to "baind-aiding" things and making them better which in someway equates to some type of control. When you don't have that, it's scary. Like the people on here have told me as well as my family and friends, the only person in the situation you can control is yourself. Keep yourself sane, honestly if they want to do it, they sure as hell are gonna find a way no matter what you say/scream/throw etc. It's tough, I know, I am fighting the same demon.
Hang in there, I'm thinking of you