Dearest KKAngel24 and everyone else,
A dear friend shared the following with me recently....and it has really helped!!
IT’S A NEW DAY FROM NOW UNTIL FOREVER
When he is angry – don’t pay ANY attention to the words
If I feel frustrated when I am asking him about something of concern to me I may be getting blocked.
Disengage. Leave the room.
He isn’t struggling to understand or to be understood is he?
Do not explain because a counterer will simply counter
Distance myself and see his immaturity for what it is
Respond with a tone of authority and firmness
Stay aware
Explaining and trying to understand DO NOT WORK
Focus on something else and do it
His wounded child is guarded by the dragon. He becomes the dragon until the child feels safe again.
Look to what is hopeful in me
Believe myself only – not his perceptions
If he says “I’m sorry” and then repeats a behavior then he has the abuse disease
Don’t catch it
Come from a place which is resolved, self protective, and indignant when abuse is occurring.
He is contradicting me to gain power – to get a “score”
Don’t try and understand or be understood
Don’t leave my soul unguarded
SUGGESTED RESPONSES
Your behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable to me.
I won’t stay around you when you behave this way
I’ve done nothing to cause this treatment
STOP! (hold out stop sign hand)
PLEASE LOOK AT MY LIPS
Cut it out!
SO YOU SAY….. (calmly, slowly, emphatically)
HOLD IT! I DON’t EVER WANT TO HEAR THAT KIND OF TALK FROM YOU!
AHA! SO “THAT’S” WHAT YOU BELIEVE. ……I SEE!
I don’t want to talk about it.
I’ll get back to you later.
LOOK AT ME
Stop diverting me.
I think you know better than that. Remember whom you’re talking to
Don’t talk to me like that
Stop judging me
Cut out the criticism
Enough of that
I don’t accept that.
Please keep your comments to yourself.
I CERTAINLY DON’T FEEL SUPPORTED WHEN I HEAR THAT KIND OF TALK
I’D RATHER NOT BE HEARING THIS FROM YOU.
I’VE HEARD ALL I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU
I don’t like your attitude.
That felt like a low blow
I’M DEFINITELY NOT HAVING ANY FUN WITH YOU
STOP THAT! DON’T EVER EVER CALL ME NAMES.
I don’t want to hear any name calling in this home anymore.
I don’t believe you and I don’t want it to happen again.
HOLD IT
What??????
DAILY AFFIRMATIONS
I can trust my own feelings and perceptions.
I am not to blame for being verbally abused.
I AM NOT THE CAUSE OF ANOTHER’S IRRITATION, ANGER, OR RAGE.
I DESERVE FREEDOM FROM MENTAL ANGUISH.
I can say no to what I do not like or want.
I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE IT.
I am an important human being.
I am a worthwhile person.
CodeI -
I couldn't attach anything so I am cutting and pasting. Hope that you are feeling better! Donna
I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT
I have power over my own life.
I can use my power to take good care of myself.
I CAN DECIDE FOR MYSELF WHAT IS BEST FOR ME>
I am worth working for and changing for.
I deserve to make my own life safe and happy.
I CAN COUNT ON MY CREATIVITY AND RESOURCEFULNESS.
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