This is how i'm feeling right now:
I have always been dismissed when I have tried to express my feelings. By my father, by my co-workers, sometimes by my friends. I have learned that my feelings don't matter to a lot of people. I don't trust my own emotions sometimes. I have tried to validate myself, and say that it doesn't matter what other people think, only me, but if that's true, then what's the point? I don't have to live my life with JUST ME, i have to interact unless i want to be a hermit. I feel depressed, and unworthy and scared to ever trust anyone else again. He hasn't called, and a part of me is breathing a sigh of relief, and the other part is devastated that he hates me. I love this person. As stupid and terrible as that sounds, I still do. I've been with him a long time. I'm just very scared right now and feeling very weak and very unhappy about being....here? There? Anywhere.