But how do i not take it so personally and hurt so much?
Denny is so right. By attending meetings, getting informed, and working on your own issues.
This is what I'm learning: Taking it personally is your issue, believing what he says is your issue, waiting for the phone to ring is your issue, processing emotions in a healthy way is your issue, not setting boundaries is your issue. Concentrate on that. Focus on you. You have to work at it.
Drinking and being nasty is HIS issue. Not yours to deal with. Work at not adding to your own problems by taking on his issues. Inform him of your boundaries. In your own words you could say something like "I don't like to be spoken to like that and if it continues I'm going to hang up."
If you don't feel strong enough to enforce your boundaries about how he speaks to you then just don't answer the phone when he calls and spend the time working on yourself.