Hello everyone,
I apologize for not responding quickly to your replies - I have been going through so much lately, I didn't even have the emotional energy to write.
It has helped me so much with the advice given and I truly appreciate it.
Since my last post, I haven't heard much from him for some months now. However, he called me a few weeks ago asking me if things could ever be the way they were between us. I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted (which I do, but didn't want to get into it with him at the time). He reacted by saying "how could you say that you don't know? How would you feel if someone said that to you that you loved?" WHAT???? It's funny b/c he said that to me back in the fall of '06 and evidently didn't remember saying it. After this incident I didn't call or contact him until a week later he contacted me asking me where we stood and if we could be friends. He said he wanted me in his life since I was such I good person. OKAY, well I had had it and just spilled everything about him that I thought. I told him how it made me feel, what he did to me and how his lies and rejections deeply hurt. We went back and forth blaming the other with our conversation ending in me saying that I felt he was selfish - since he never considered my feelings from the start. Needless to say, he became angry which resulted in zero contact. However, I began to feel that I did something wrong once again and tried contacting him only for him to not return any of my messages.
He called then last week wanting to see me and saying how much he misses me... but when I do call he again does not answer the phone or simply doesn't return my messages. Now I go back and forth between grieving this loss and what we use to have to anger and hate towards him. It's terrible, but sometimes I want to see him only to remind myself how bad he is for me. Not seeing him or talking with him only keeps it all a mystery. If that makes any sense...
What he has told me, however, is that in the last month he has wrecked his car several times along with receiving a 'dirty' test result from the methadone clinic. Due to this incident, he is going somewhere else to be treated. What I want to know is when you get kicked out of one rehab clinic, why would they admit you into another one. Note: The 'dirty' test results only showed the absence of methadone - no other drugs, supposedly, were not present.
What is this I am going through? It seems the only way for me to move on is to find out how bad he is doing. I'm not kind of person to be happy for another's calamities in life. I want to find peace with this in order to keep it from haunting me.