No apologies necessary, charm. I know you're hurting. We have all been through this emotional-wringer with the A's in our lives. When I first came here, I got my hackles up big-time because I thought some of the people responding were being blunt and uncaring. Actually, there are people here with a good deal of recovery. It doesn't mean, as one wise member told me, that we have are feces amalgamated (as in together!) but we DO care. Keep posting. We have A's in recovery join us here on a pretty regular basis and they can really offer some great insights.