Charm

Hello- I am new to these boards and could really use your help/advice.
I was seeing a guy for about five months up until last week. We met at a vulnerable time- he had gotten out of a rehab a few months earlier and was going through the death of his brother. I met him at a function concerning his brother and we connected instantly- like fireworks. It was an intense connection- mostly physical. I was just finalizing a divorce and rebuilding my life and was so thrilled to be around this guy who just seemed so intense and made me feel so desirable.
Well, the brother died- we went through that together and we texted each other and talked everyday except once for nearly the whole five months. He was fervent about his recovery- sometimes going to two or three AA meetings a day. He seemed so amazingly strong- so dedicated to beating his addiction. I have siblings who have alcohol and drug issues, but personally I am pretty green when it comes to that form of addiction...but I still felt like I was a support for him and I loved the way he seemed so into me. I met a lot of his friends- and it just seemed like everyone he knew he had met previously in some rehab- and he was always meeting with his sponsor. It annoyed me sometimes b/c I just felt he was so unavailable- and he expressed his issues about being afraid of a relationship as he is in recovery (rightfully so). But it still seemed like we could never break free of each other as when we saw each other we just meshed so well. I think perhaps we were addicted to each other.
Anyway- he'd pull back sometimes and I'd panic (after going through alot of rejection and loss in my life) but he'd always come back around. He was moody and started to express that he was struggling with the summer being here and having money in his pocket again and feeling like he really wanted to drink. He said he had strong feelings for me- I told him I loved him and he said it back shortly after only to retract that saying he was forced into it- it was something he knew I was expecting from him.He was like a rollercoaster- and I knew we'd never be long term- we lived an hour away from each other and we really opposites in the kinds of lives we led. ..
I know this story is getting too long- but I'm trying to include the deatils as when i look back nothing seems to make sense. He still every morning sent me a text saying good morning and checked in on me and was a really decent person- whom I felt so bad for as he just had so much stacked against him ( alcohol, drug dealing and use, jail time, impulsivity, etc...) and I'm the polar opposite- school board job- straight A's...never even smoked a cigarette...
A few weeks back we talked and it was good to clear the air and he expressed that he missed me and I drove to see him the next day- we had an unbelievable time together- although a bit of an uncomfortable chat as we knew it was really over between us- but still amicable.
Then- the text messages stopped. When I texted him- he replied in short curt phrases. He started acted really mean and admitted he was trying to blow me off. he said it wasn' going to work- that it was over- he wasn't emotionally ready for a relaitionship..etc...I asked what happened- did something happen to make him act like this and he said "a lot of things happened" and when I asked him if he met someone else (like I always do- childish fear) he said yes. :-(
He was such a jerk- he hung up on me...I couldn't believe it. I sobbed..and texted him back telling him I hope he finds peace...goodbye etc..and nursed a broken heart for nearly a week. After his texting me so much- I couldn't believe he didn't miss me- or that he could replace me with another so easily.
Well today out of the blue- he sends a text asking how i am...
after 15 min- i replied great how are you? and he went on to say he was awesome and was having lots of great days etc...amd later I texted him back saying i didn't know why he was being so mean to text me and brag about how happy he was..and he responded that I was nuts. Ouch! So I was lived and said I only cared for you- never hurt you..what goes around comes around- I hope no one F**s with your mind like u did mine
but no repsonse.
I just don't understand his behavior it's not at all like I have known him to be. Could it be that he has started drinking again? Does any of this sound familiar? Why would a guy hang on to me for 5 months only to act like a jerk now..he could have been a jerk in the beginning...I just don't get it.
I've let him go- although am broken hearted..and will needs lots of recovery time myself...but I'm just trying to understand. I'm not so expreienced with AA or NA or CA...I've only ever known him sober..could this be how he is off the wagon???