Elana

I have not been here a lot. I am just so tired lately.

I have zero patience these days with people and have made a few personal decisions that may or may not be recovery.

One decision I have made is NO more men. I don't want to date. I don't want to go out. I don't want anyone special in my life. I feel so done with all this and I don't want to work on it or go there or do all the CRAP I have to do to make any of this work for me. There may be decent single men out there my age or interested in me, but I don't know any or how to meet them and, more importantly, don't want to. I don't want to go down the road of trust again. I just find this decision is such a relief. If I am asked out, the answer is already formed. NO (and it is a complete sentence). I don't care who you are.. the answer is NO and NO I don't trust you.

There are things I would enjoy doing (like taking my Dad's canoe and going camping), but if any of those things (like portaging the canoe down to a lake) take two people, I actully feel my stomach turn. Nope. Rather avoid it than find someone to come along. I am out of words, out of conversation and out of energy to make or have conversation.

I find I am out of patience with addiction. Perhaps I am out of compassion as well. I just cannot go there anymore.

I am sorry for those who are suffering still with Addicts in their lives. I can only suggest recovery for you.. Nar Anon, AlAnon, this site and a LOT of self work. I wish you well in your struggles and I was once there so I understand. I also understand that recovery is set by your own pace and needs...

However, don't stay in one spot too long or you WILL go backward and, if you find you cannot go forward, you may need to totally cut off all contact with the addict... for months or even years... and work on YOU.

If you see me less around here it isn't because I am not reading but because I just cannot respond with understanding or patience (especially for the addict). I am out of words these days.