Hi there, it truly is a cycle, i've reread my posts too and i see some days i'm happy and others i'm so sad i don't know how i make it through. It will take time
you like all of us deserve better and will get there .... Until Al Anon i used to laugh at "one day at a time" when my X would joke about it, it's true and now i believe it to be true. Good people deserve happiness and a good life
hang in there.
heather