Nakur,
I can really understand what ur talking about. The panic/anxiety associated with drinking is a biggie with me too. I can also relate to waking up at 2/3/4am after falling asleep at 10/11pm from an early afternoon binge.
Several years ago, I had panic so bad, it was almost debilitating. I went on Paxil for a few months, but the sexual side effects made me consider weening myself off the stuff slowly. Lucky for me I had a doctor that worked with me on finding the right medication.
For most folks, the Paxil was no good, but after two weeks on the stuff, I felt like the king of the world. My confidence, self esteem, and enthusiasm for life skyrocketed. I became a little too aggressive. It was scary. It felt like a crime to feel that good without alcohol.
Lucky for me I got off paxil, because now I hear its withdrawal can be a monster.
Hang in there Nakur, dont give up the fight. You can beat this. Like me, reading all about it helps to some degree. Be encouraged by the posts, and keep working with ur doctor or therapist.
Take care.
Intro