Mair, i think about you too. I'm "forcing" myself too. I used to have a blast with my friends to the point of not caring about meeting anyone. Your so right, there is sooooooooooooo much drama and chaos in his life and when your used to that (healthy or not) and it's gone, it's like whoaa, now what? We don't need this lifestyle, just trying to get back on my feet. You know what i try to remember is when i was on the phone with him on the 4th of July, he was flipping out because his sister in law cracked up yet another car due to drugs.....this truly is a lifestyle i'm not familar with nor do i want to in the long run. My family friend also said to me that i mentioned before that my X over the several years is not used to someone treating him so well but that i definately deserve better. Putting all this knowledge to work sux. I want to wake up from this nighmare called my current life.