YYZ

Hello everyone, my name is Jay and I know I am an alcoholic but I have yet to accept that fact in my heart. I have been a moderate drinker for most of my adult life and drank every day for the better part of 10 years with one week off 2 years ago. The last 18 months or have been hard and heavy booze but never enough to be labeled stinking drunk. A few nights I’d start to slur my words, and worse a few times drive after being pretty well lit up. I know I have a problem and want to cut it off before it screws up my life.

I found this site yesterday after I woke up feeling pretty crappy after one too many drinks and said enough is enough but where and how do I start. Today is going on 48 hours without a drink and I am determined to do this. This is currently a private battle. A battle of my own personal disappointment in my lack of self control. My wife has never said you are drinking too much, but I know I am. So I am challenging every fiber of my being to eliminate this demon from my life and my soul. Booze has become my friend and only friend and I’ve realized it has pushed my family to the side and I want that part of my life back.

Last night it was strange to come home from work to not reach for the vodka bottle, I even smiled at it as I walked past. I took the advice of others here and got busy with chores to remain focused on the task of ignoring the instinct to drink. I even had to contend with my wife pouring herself a cocktail.

This will be a strange trip indeed. Already I am realizing that there is more time in the day than I remember. Since I have so many unfinished projects swept aside to make room for the booze I hope my biggest challenge will be finding out where to start.

Thanks for having me here.