A Strange Trip Indeed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Fox Valley Area Illinois
Posts: 3
A Strange Trip Indeed
Hello everyone, my name is Jay and I know I am an alcoholic but I have yet to accept that fact in my heart. I have been a moderate drinker for most of my adult life and drank every day for the better part of 10 years with one week off 2 years ago. The last 18 months or have been hard and heavy booze but never enough to be labeled stinking drunk. A few nights I’d start to slur my words, and worse a few times drive after being pretty well lit up. I know I have a problem and want to cut it off before it screws up my life.
I found this site yesterday after I woke up feeling pretty crappy after one too many drinks and said enough is enough but where and how do I start. Today is going on 48 hours without a drink and I am determined to do this. This is currently a private battle. A battle of my own personal disappointment in my lack of self control. My wife has never said you are drinking too much, but I know I am. So I am challenging every fiber of my being to eliminate this demon from my life and my soul. Booze has become my friend and only friend and I’ve realized it has pushed my family to the side and I want that part of my life back.
Last night it was strange to come home from work to not reach for the vodka bottle, I even smiled at it as I walked past. I took the advice of others here and got busy with chores to remain focused on the task of ignoring the instinct to drink. I even had to contend with my wife pouring herself a cocktail.
This will be a strange trip indeed. Already I am realizing that there is more time in the day than I remember. Since I have so many unfinished projects swept aside to make room for the booze I hope my biggest challenge will be finding out where to start.
Thanks for having me here.
I found this site yesterday after I woke up feeling pretty crappy after one too many drinks and said enough is enough but where and how do I start. Today is going on 48 hours without a drink and I am determined to do this. This is currently a private battle. A battle of my own personal disappointment in my lack of self control. My wife has never said you are drinking too much, but I know I am. So I am challenging every fiber of my being to eliminate this demon from my life and my soul. Booze has become my friend and only friend and I’ve realized it has pushed my family to the side and I want that part of my life back.
Last night it was strange to come home from work to not reach for the vodka bottle, I even smiled at it as I walked past. I took the advice of others here and got busy with chores to remain focused on the task of ignoring the instinct to drink. I even had to contend with my wife pouring herself a cocktail.
This will be a strange trip indeed. Already I am realizing that there is more time in the day than I remember. Since I have so many unfinished projects swept aside to make room for the booze I hope my biggest challenge will be finding out where to start.
Thanks for having me here.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by YYZ 
I hope my biggest challenge will be finding out where to start.
Thanks for having me here.
Thanks for having me here.
Welcome YYZ
When I am blinded by a list that looks so long and don't know where to start...Just pick one thing and take that first step towards doing that one thing.
Same way with stopping the intake of alcohol...One day at a time.
Good start. You showed yourself you can do 24 hours twice and that is how we all do it. Take it one day at a time...Just for today I won't pick up that first drink.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome !!!
Quit fighting. Get help from others. I couldn't do it myself, I thought I could. Will Power (self control) has NOTHING to do with it.
This is a disease, it's progressive and deadly. Stop it while you can. We're here to help, as are people in "real life".
I found AA the best solution, and I recomend you try it. It's not what you think it is, really.
This is currently a private battle. A battle of my own personal disappointment in my lack of self control.
This is a disease, it's progressive and deadly. Stop it while you can. We're here to help, as are people in "real life".
I found AA the best solution, and I recomend you try it. It's not what you think it is, really.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Hi YYZ-
Welcome.
The best thing I did for myself and my drinking "career" was to admit to my husband that I had a problem and that I needed help, specifically his help. Having a spouse on board is invaluable to me!!
TinLIzzy
Welcome.
The best thing I did for myself and my drinking "career" was to admit to my husband that I had a problem and that I needed help, specifically his help. Having a spouse on board is invaluable to me!!
TinLIzzy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Fox Valley Area Illinois
Posts: 3
Thanks for all the encouragement, I came here specifically for that. Anything I say about how and why I am doing this will undoubtedly sound like I am in denial. That's OK, because I know I am. I quit smoking in a similar way after many years of trying and that was hard yet easy because I wanted to, not because I had to. I knew it was bad for me and eventually would lead to long term health issues so I just finally did it.
So now I am off on this new journey alone for now because I need to find out what it means to me, not because I have to or because someone else expects or wants me to. That will doom me to misery of expectations from others which is one of the main reasons I did drink. I needed to hide from and escape from those endless expectations of perfection. A role I created by doing so much for others.
This is my time now. I need to peel away the layers of expectations and expose the long hidden me. I need to *feel* my energy, feel *my* pain and find the love for *myself* I have so long ago hidden away beneath my duties as a husband and father.
I am experiencing a lot of wicked sensations I've never felt before and I'm guessing it is those cells of my body in panic mode looking around for some acetaldehyde to feed on. I will continue on, one minute, one hour, one day at a time as I face each new feeling, good, bad and awful because I need to do this for me.
CU Soon,
J*
So now I am off on this new journey alone for now because I need to find out what it means to me, not because I have to or because someone else expects or wants me to. That will doom me to misery of expectations from others which is one of the main reasons I did drink. I needed to hide from and escape from those endless expectations of perfection. A role I created by doing so much for others.
This is my time now. I need to peel away the layers of expectations and expose the long hidden me. I need to *feel* my energy, feel *my* pain and find the love for *myself* I have so long ago hidden away beneath my duties as a husband and father.
I am experiencing a lot of wicked sensations I've never felt before and I'm guessing it is those cells of my body in panic mode looking around for some acetaldehyde to feed on. I will continue on, one minute, one hour, one day at a time as I face each new feeling, good, bad and awful because I need to do this for me.
CU Soon,
J*
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Many people start with a funnel at the big end then work their way down to the focus of the little end.
What is found when the focus is placed where it should be is just what you have posted above.
In short, your last sentence says it all.
Doing it for you is the best way to make it last.
What is found when the focus is placed where it should be is just what you have posted above.
In short, your last sentence says it all.
I will continue on, one minute, one hour, one day at a time as I face each new feeling, good, bad and awful because I need to do this for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Welcome!
You can call it a private battle, but you don't have to wage it alone if you don't want to. I tried almost every possible to quit or at least cut back. I've found that it's only with the support of others that I even have a chance at it. Maybe try an AA meeting, or check out the Secular Connections forum. Alcohol has always been more powerful than me than any willpower or resolution of self I could manage. I did slip a few days ago for one night, but I knew I could return to the meeting rooms and the people there would understand.
I wish you all the best. Keep posting and let us know how your doing.
BHJ
You can call it a private battle, but you don't have to wage it alone if you don't want to. I tried almost every possible to quit or at least cut back. I've found that it's only with the support of others that I even have a chance at it. Maybe try an AA meeting, or check out the Secular Connections forum. Alcohol has always been more powerful than me than any willpower or resolution of self I could manage. I did slip a few days ago for one night, but I knew I could return to the meeting rooms and the people there would understand.
I wish you all the best. Keep posting and let us know how your doing.
BHJ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Fox Valley Area Illinois
Posts: 3
Well today has been a weird day fo' sure funny too. I couldn't help but laugh at lunch. I brought left overs to work and what did I bring??? Kerneld corn! I remember reading a post here in how they served someone peas at a detox facility and the absurdity of that notion. I actually laughed at the cascading kernels as they fell all over the place. Luckily I had Guacomole that I mixed them in to stick to the fork.
Anyway, I noticed one thing today - food especially root beer taste *awesome*! Also I just got back from the bowling alley with my son and I bowled the best game in 10 years - a 266 and 9 strikes! My best game the last 6 months was a 174. So two big motivators for me here. Great tasting food and a killer bowling average.
I'm beginning to see why so many have suggested "meetings" though. The challenges are many and right now the temptations are nuclear. I keep finding "hidden" beers that I am even afraid to touch even just to toss out.
But for now I am grateful for every "test" I pass for a new layer of the fog I've lived in is peeled away and I feel better each time.
Anyway, I noticed one thing today - food especially root beer taste *awesome*! Also I just got back from the bowling alley with my son and I bowled the best game in 10 years - a 266 and 9 strikes! My best game the last 6 months was a 174. So two big motivators for me here. Great tasting food and a killer bowling average.
I'm beginning to see why so many have suggested "meetings" though. The challenges are many and right now the temptations are nuclear. I keep finding "hidden" beers that I am even afraid to touch even just to toss out.
But for now I am grateful for every "test" I pass for a new layer of the fog I've lived in is peeled away and I feel better each time.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
This is my time now. I need to peel away the layers of expectations and expose the long hidden me. I need to *feel* my energy, feel *my* pain and find the love for *myself* I have so long ago hidden away beneath my duties as a husband and father.
I found that the solution for this alcoholic was AA, in AA I have found the way to not only not drink, but to become a far better and happier person then I have ever been.
I can attest that doing it alone for this old alkie did not work, I can attest that with the help and guidance of fellow alcoholics in a face to face program to be the key for me, there are other programs besides AA, AA is the one that worked for me and millions of others.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 180
Originally Posted by YYZ
Anyway, I noticed one thing today - food especially root beer taste *awesome*! Also I just got back from the bowling alley with my son and I bowled the best game in 10 years - a 266 and 9 strikes! My best game the last 6 months was a 174. So two big motivators for me here. Great tasting food and a killer bowling average.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
"Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks."
(BB #34)
When I read that for the first time, I remember back when I used to be able to quit drinking for a day, (once two days). Once I realized that I personally could not quit on just self will, I finally was able to admit to my fiancee that I needed help. I thank God every day I found the courage to admit to a loved one that I needed help. I was drunk when I admitted to another, (my fiancee), that I was an alcoholic, and surrendered myself to the disease. But the following day I was not drunk, and that day is my sobriety date, 05/30/06.
If those who can quit on self will alone I tip my hat off to you. I know that I'm not one of them.
Congrats XYZ for seeing how life is through sober eyes. I pray that each day you take, remains sober.
Tom
(BB #34)
When I read that for the first time, I remember back when I used to be able to quit drinking for a day, (once two days). Once I realized that I personally could not quit on just self will, I finally was able to admit to my fiancee that I needed help. I thank God every day I found the courage to admit to a loved one that I needed help. I was drunk when I admitted to another, (my fiancee), that I was an alcoholic, and surrendered myself to the disease. But the following day I was not drunk, and that day is my sobriety date, 05/30/06.
If those who can quit on self will alone I tip my hat off to you. I know that I'm not one of them.
Congrats XYZ for seeing how life is through sober eyes. I pray that each day you take, remains sober.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
It's funny to me that you guys mentioned how good root beer is. I'm on day 11 now and trying to only keep drinks in the house that would taste awful with whiskey cause I'm worried that drinking my old mixer, diet Coke, would trigger the cravin's. So today I bought some diet root beer. I've never really liked it before but this afternoon drank like 4 glasses. I couldn't put it down.
A few years from now we're all gonna be on rootbeerrecovery.com sharing stories about how we got addicted to root beer.
A few years from now we're all gonna be on rootbeerrecovery.com sharing stories about how we got addicted to root beer.
Carpe Diem
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: I live by the riiiver!
Posts: 149
I couldn't do it myself either and if you can, best of luck, really. I tried I don't know how many times to stop and even when I finally did reach out to others, i relapsed over and over. I had to fully acknowledge that I had a problem, needed serious help and that I was willing to do anything it took to stay alive.
That means the beer you keep trying to ignore needs to go down the drain. I would suggest telling your wife, if not only for her support but also to make you accountable. My denial was so deep when I first started that I would tell myself that no one needed to know because if I can take care of it and help myself, it will have been a totally personal journey and I could credit myself for learning so much about me. Yeah right. That was just an excuse for me not to have to tell someone that I was drinking or using so I wouldn't be ashamed or someone wouldn't yell at me. I would seriously consider going to meetings, talking to people, telling your family and friends and, most importantly, getting rid of the alcohol in your home.
That means the beer you keep trying to ignore needs to go down the drain. I would suggest telling your wife, if not only for her support but also to make you accountable. My denial was so deep when I first started that I would tell myself that no one needed to know because if I can take care of it and help myself, it will have been a totally personal journey and I could credit myself for learning so much about me. Yeah right. That was just an excuse for me not to have to tell someone that I was drinking or using so I wouldn't be ashamed or someone wouldn't yell at me. I would seriously consider going to meetings, talking to people, telling your family and friends and, most importantly, getting rid of the alcohol in your home.
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