JG, wow, quick reply! Thanks, I know you are right and I know this stuff, but I guess I am just so MAD and wanting him to at least acknowledge his part in the mess we're in and at least be somewhat humble about it. Instead he's mean and hostile and still seems to blame me, which seems so NOT FAIR!! (I know, I'm acting like a little kid stomping my foot, etc. etc.) When he came out of treatment last year, I was so ready to be patient and wait until he was ready to talk and ready to be a part of the family again, etc., and I knew that the 1st year after treatment is very hard for the alcoholic, so I was prepared do do whatever to help and not hinder him. And I did, and I feel like I got cheated because it didn't help, so I guess this time I feel so much more beaten down and angry and ready to give up. You'd think with a year in al-anon under my belt I'd be better at this, not worse, but, I just feel so angry and hateful and resentful.