Thanks Raerae, do you know that since we got together I have tried to make it a point to never speak badly about him...I have done some little bitching here and with a couple of girlfriends, but just regular how they don't help with the housework stuff. Etc.
This is the first time I have ever really broken that vow of loyalty.
But, anyway..thanks for putting up with it.
I am not near done! LOL
But, by jove....I got an idea! I need to clean the living room so that I can invite Loves to our home tomorrow and it not be a pigsty. Good one, eh? Whether she has the slightest interest or not, doesn't matter. That's my story and I am sticking to it.
So, yeah, I am wearing down....but real coffee is almost like speed to me. I think I will have another cup! I have rearranged some things....and him being an artist and an observant man, he will notice and will recognize the symbolism of some things.
Another sweet I said to mix things up was that I have alot of wonderful photos of his mom on my computer. I do. But that is not all I am thinking. No way am I going to have smut books in the house.! Not in any house I live in. But, when we first started seeing each other, after awhile, well he was also a professional photographer with an infrared night lens and I let him take some pretty graphic photos of me. What did I care...I was leaving in a few months, never to return. I thought......so, when I clean out my bedside table drawer, guess what goes in there?
Along with some real sweetheart together photos too. He said that out of conscience he deleted all photos of others, but I think I know where some of one are. And what's really sick about it is, it isn't someone he ever dated, but his lesbian/bisexual stepdaughter used to send him explicit photos. I have never seen them, but I am pretty sure I located the disc when I was hoping to retrieve my Argentina photos sent to him email, coz my computer crashed and his camera was accidentally lost with all the chips. They will be in there too.
So, by morning, things will be cleaned up and I can shut the door to the storage room. Except I am not touching one bit of his mess all over the drum table, his end of the couch that he uses like a side table and his ottoman that is also a mess. All he will see is his mess.
It's even a good explanation for hiding the excercise thing in his bedroom. I don't have to explain I intend to put it in there for good. But with company coming....
yep, by the time I get as done as I can stand in here, it will be dawn and I will go out and cut fresh flowers for the vases. He used to bring me flowers fairly often.
This will NOT go unnoticed.
Then I will take a nice bath, fix my hair, dress up a little and go to the flea market to meet Loves. Usually he goes with me even tho' he doesn't want to....but he won't want to and would genuinely like me to have time with my friend. So, I get to look nice and say...ta-ta. Then I can sleep and will work on finishing touches on Noah's afghan. This is a double motive too...but he may not pick up on it.
The one thing I put on my bedside table is a commissioned painted carving, that a stupid, genius ex broke in half over jealousy...a gay man did it and I paid him for it.
I love it. I chose this work and it is very special to me and has much meaning...and also it is about the union of man and woman. Well, he has been saying he would repair it for about forever and it is still broke in half. So I put that on that table with the halves together.
I hope your place is really coming together. I am excited about it for you!
Oh, got to make sure I put the new blinds up. It is easy, the brackets are all ready there...I just got them at the flea market for like nothing and is much easier than cleaning the old ones. I asked him to do it two days ago. And have had them lying out in plain site ready to go.
I might just rip down the mosquito netting around the guest bed altho' I am not going to get out the hardware and take the ring out of the ceiling. That was another I'll do that from a couple months ago.
yep, he is going to feel like dogsh!t.
My daddy alway taught me that if someone hits me, hit them back much harder.
That was a lesson he wanted me to learn before I went to school.
It worked then.
And when we finally talk about it, I will be talking about it being about how very hurt I was. And that is totally true.
Okay, tired, but going to do a few more things. Trying to hang in for just a few more hours.