I thought I'd drink myself to death. Until I realized it would take 20 or so years. Hell, I was beat after only 2 years of 24 x 7 drinking.
You sound beat. That's a good thing actually. It was where I had to be also before I finally hung my head and went into the rooms of AA. And you know what ? It was nothing like I expected.
You'll be welcomed by poeple that have been through the same thing. People that know how you feel. And better yet, they'll suggest a solution.