hi, welcome to sr. the addict in my life is my hubby, glad to meet you
i think that you and your husband are very strong and loving parents. my family kind of stepped back too and allowed me to suffer the consequences of my own action while i was active in my addiction. at that time, i thought that i had the worse and the cruelest family on the planet and i was very angry and upset with them, but what they did, gave me the determining drive that i needed to finally choose to help myself. today i'm a few yrs clean and i'm eternally grateful to my family for turning their heads when they did.
when ever your son finally do decide that its his time to get help and work a program, he'll soon be grateful that you choose not to continue to enable him. i think what you and your husband are doing, is helping your son more than you know. i think that its a loving thing, at least now you know that he is safe and not dying that slow death out on the streets.
maybe once he is out, you could consider a halfway recovery house or something. there are ways to avoid him coming strainght to your house out of jail. keeping you and your family in my prayers