Hopefully with working the steps yourself in al-anon & attending meetings where you hear people share openly and honestly, you will learn this communication skill. You will be able to tell your M-in-L what you want and how you are feeling. We can learn to communic. effectively w/o anger, retreat, ignoring, etc. We can communic. passionately from our strength and yet hear the other person too. Certainly until you + hubby get more recocery you are thinking right to tell this lady that you two are preoccupied with sobriety now and that Xmas or some other time would be better for a visit. Tell her you understand her position but that it doesn't work for you right now.