Stessors
My AH is in his 2nd week of rehab. I'm in my first week of Al-Anon. We're babes in this process, fragile. It's learning new ways of thinking.
My mother-in-law (MIL) is an overbearing, controlling, manipulative, self-centered, religious, condemning, destructive person. Often times her tactics are cloaked in "concern", but they always do damage.
We just moved 4 hours away from her (from 14) in March. She knows AH just started rehab. She called him and wants to come visit in 2 weeks. I haven't spoken to her since Thanksgiving and it's been a Godsend for me. She is toxic to me and I finally learned to end my relationship with her.
She wanted to come from Mon-Wed. AH is in outpatient rehab Mon and Wed nights and has to work all 3 days, so he told her it wasn't a good time. But he added that she is going to look at her calendar (she is retired but very busy with the church) and call him back with another time.
She abused AH as a child. He is still afraid of her. This man is almost 50, a very successful professional and he can not stand up to her. Whenever she is around, he drinks in excess. I have to take my anxiety meds. She always either cries (which makes AH jump into rescue mode), or condemns others (so AH can be her protecter), or is jumping on somebody. We do not need her to be here right now.
Of course, AH usually would argue that "she wants to see the kids". I don't think we need to consider her wants right now. He and I are babes learning how to communicate again. If anything were to threaten his sobriety right now, it would be her.
So, does Al-Anon dictate that I keep my mouth shut, don't say anything, watch her come and wreak havoc, watch my AH start drinking, let them do their thing and just watch out for myself?
Or should I say or do something so that she won't come? AH really needs to deal with his feelings about her. He's always so protective of her. He's her hero. But I suspect deep down he'd like to choke her. He'd never admit that to me though. But I think he should address it with a counselor.