First of all, let me say upfront that I am amazed at how completely unshaken I am at what just went down; I give much of the credit for this to SR, and I am forever grateful to everyone here for that.
This kind of exchange with my exah in times past would have had me tied in knots. Instead, I am just walking around my house shaking my head and asking myself 'what in the world was that all about?' and feeling rather amused by the whole thing.
Now I'm not sure how 'recovery' the feeling amused is, but it is how I am feeling. Mind you, we have had no contact in about two months, but........
The man just never ceases to amaze me! Little bit and I were out at the pool; I had just finished cleaning the dog lot with clorox and the water hose and was literally dripping sweat (it was about 95 degrees!!) when this brand new 2007 toyota king cab truck pulls up to the garage, and exah hops out and starts getting some tools and putting them in the bed of said truck. Of course, little bit runs over and says hi and yells for me to come see dad's new truck.
So I walked over and said something along the lines of 'nice truck, did you trade your (2007!!) car?' (The answer to that one was no, he had to have a truck to work out of and he couldn't find a used one, so of course the only thing to do was buy a 30,000.00 one......) I DID NOT REACT, just smiled....Exah says he has to rush to get a mowing job done before it rains, says good bye to little bit and I think that's the end of it.
Not so....he was back in about 5 minutes saying that the dude he was going to mow for had called and it was raining. I am not sure why he came back, although I didn't think to ask. I just told little bit to hang out at the pool and talk to dad while I went in and took a shower. So ex says, wait we need to talk about mediation (WHY DID I NOT JUST GO ON IN???) and what to do about the house, etc.
To make a long story short, almost two hours later he finally left. He is still in total denial about the drugs and the abuse; he still claims to have no clue what I mean by 'working on recovery' and kept asking me what he needed to do, to which I replied that it was not my decision what he does or does not do. He says he has changed but I just "won't see it".
The jist of what he really wanted to say was that if "I wasn't willing to make any changes in the way I treated him" if we "decided to work on things down the road", and if I wouldn't agree to have dinner with him sometime so we can 'talk', then he couldn't see any reason not to go ahead with the divorce. Because of course he has to have somewhere to live and he can't afford to get a place until I buy him out of the house.......
((.......so tell me again how much the 2007 Camry was? Oh yeah-$27,000.00; and the new truck? Oh, $30,000.00! But he can't afford to get a place to live, poor thing!!))
WTF?????
So anyhow, I still didn't react, at least not TOO much...
I said, "So this is an ultimatum? You want me to say that we can start seeing each other, and that I am willing to change or else we need to go through with the divorce?" I was honestly a little dumbfounded by this. I have not given him the slightest idea that there is a snowball's chance in he** that we will ever reconcile, and here he is giving ME an ultimatum?
So I just told him that he was asking me for something that I could not give him; that I did not think that going to dinner with him was a good idea and I wasn't going to do that; and that I hoped that he would not now start coming to the house and calling me again because I have gotten used to the peace that I feel now.
So he said "of course you have peace; you are still living in the house with the kids."
To which I replied, "Well, if that is all it is, how come I didn't have any peace here before you left?"
Which left HIM speechless..........so I said good night and walked inside....