aIlright taz I need to do this If I can be honest with myself and you. Like I said I had a few years was making meetings and the promises were coming true for me I have two daughters that loved me I had my wifes trust back made ammends too a guy I hated and actually he became one of my best freinds. THEN I wanted to start doing something to get rich.I bought a bobcat with a concrete pump. I was doing well making a little money and I some how picked up a job that was over my head but I said sure I can do this bought 2 more bobcats and a trackhoe. The guy who was the architech on job was making 42 percent on every dollar.I would send in my bills and he would send them back and tell me I was to cheap add to the bill the money was really flowing I was getting just what I thought I wanted but I was struggling with the over billing and blatant disadvantage evryone was taking of this guy.I eventually couldnt live with it so I told the man what was going on he was a DR. and told me the architech was his guy and do what I was told so I ripped the guy.I also bougth a 300,000.00 concrete boom pump all the phisical work took a toll on my body my elbows especially so doc wrote me some loratabs man where had I been I was like super man when I got low I call doc and he call me in what I wanted and hey I wasnt drinking. then after a year job ran out I told myself I cant go to meetings Im to tired I work to hard cant stay up till 10 oclock then get up at 4 and work allday. I worried myself sick over making payments because I had blowed all money from docs job and was taking hydros everyday along with somas and took 8 cortizone shots in my elbows in 6 months. I had peoples lives in my hands with that pump and I was high everyday. Then I started breaking bones I guess because off all the cortizone. I pumped several jobs where I was drug tested and never failed a one still dont know how that happened.I thought I got everyone fooled wife kids parents bosses this stuff is great. I eventually did nothing but take pills work and sleep. I got a chance to sell out and did. Then I bought an expensixe lake lot and started a speck home I had a nice loan and was buying pills when I wanted. House was not getting done and I was running out of money. I made anthoer loan about nov. I quit taking pills and jumped back on house. Then one stressville day I drank. I drank about two three days a week.I got sick went to the doc. and he gave me tussinex and I was off agin now back on pills and drinking both.Iused all my loan money and Thought I want a boat so my stupid ass got my kids went got some beer and told them both I was gonna buy them a boat and if they told their mom I was drinking they were grounded.[like she didnt know] We gathered up their freinds a hit the water I scared my oldest so bad she called her mom crying wanting to go home. when we got home I played it off and said I had quit the pills which I had for day or two.Next day I got up at 7 drank two beers grabbed kids stopped got a quart of vodka and stayed in a blackout for two days.so where did I go wrong let me count the ways. Something had to be wacthing over me I am still in a bad fog got lots of work to do on myself. But for me I know I have to keep my life simple have a support group and never drink or drug agin or I am going to die or kill somone else. hope this has helped someone. It sure is hard for me.