thank you to all who have replied and i cannot begin to say how much your kindness means to me. I guess I have been so worn out and "worn down" by his actions. I think to some degree he might be working the program but then again I have thought that before. I have two beautiful daughters on scholarship in college and doing so well. I found I really couldn't enjoy them as I should for worrying about my 32 year old son. So now I am focusing on enjoying them more. I have sent not one penny to my son but I have assisted his wife and my grandchild as she is working part-time and caring for my grandchild in a superb way so I think they deserve help but my son can just do it on his own. He will feel better in the long run stepping up to the plate so to speak. I've paid for my last rehab for him. The only thing I continue to pay for him is his cobra on his insurance . I felt I would have done that for any sick child I had that was in need. But that's it. Well thank all of you for letting me get these thoughts out in the open. thanks..dixied