Yes I have...and still do on occassion.
Today he does well, but when I get weak, I let my mind wander to the "Yeah buts" and I go right back to that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I'm not sure when I will be able to just feel without occassional fear, but when it hits, I want nothing to do with any of it.
The part that troubles me most is not so much the fear for him anymore, but my fear of my feelings "for" him at times. Then I have the guilt of feeling that way about my son, when its no longer his but my issues that are triggering it.
I'm not sure if that made sense, but I pray often that time takes care of it.
(((Hugs)))
Cece