It's so difficult to understand addiction and all it brings with it. Like you I was married for almost 14 years then divorced. Dated for a while but not right away and not many people before I got involved with my BF who was in recovery and had been for 3 or 4 years. He showed me strength, courage and will. That all changed last year when I discovered he had hid steriod use for a few years from me along with pot smoking and by the time he was had worked his way up to taking pain pills it was too late and all to obvious something was very wrong. I felt so stupid for not knowing what had been going on. It did make me a stronger person and I see that in you. I hope that after next week your life is able to bring you peace and happiness.