Welcome, Roe2007. I notice that you are brand new to SR. I have no magic or formula answers for your questions, but wanted to let you know that reading the stickies at the top of the forum may be helpful. Reading Melody Beattie's book, Codependent No More may guide you with answering your own questions.
Keep posting and read to learn about how to care for yourself. You may learn that saying an emphatic NO to the addict is best for him/her and for you.
G