Thanks atalose. The thing I'm very very concerned with is that I have friends who have had real horror stories to tell when it comes to FROs being given as easily as the TROs. I'm concerned about that because I know for sure that should we both be granted one, my career is definitely hurt by it. My attorney told me that in NJ here, FROs are granted almost 9 times out of 10, regardless of whether or not the judge decides the woman is lying. I have evidence, two nasty threatening messages from her, and I hate to involve my mother in this, but she is my only witness to her nastiness when she showed up at my mother's house. I do think that DYFS will keep her under their radar now a lot longer. AGFs ex husband is fully aware of everything. He actually showed up at the courthouse yesterday morning, and he pretty much told me that he went through the same thing with her for 8 years, that her mood swings came when she had been without cocaine for a few days, and that she is also on the radar of the local police. I feel very very stupid over the fact that it was more than 2 years before I knew she was using cocaine. I've never before become involved with someone with a drug addiction, and honestly, I always knew she was very emotional and had little self control, but she decided to stay on antidepressants(which I myself take) and for a while things seemed very promising. I feel even more stupid for having gone back this last time and believing her after two months of being apart and believing I was done, thus my doneforsure username
My Only reason for wanting to drop mine if she drops hers is to keep the possibility of one going on my record. It's already bad enough that there is a TRO, and my biggest concern is my mobility in terms of employment should I ever decide to leave the company I work for, or for some reason get caught in a cutback. I worked so hard to overcome many obstacles in the past 20 years, going from a butcher, to a union contruction worker, to many long hours down in my basement with books and computers in order to get into the computer field. But whatever will happen will happen, hopefully the judge who hears this will be a fair one.
Greet, thank you. you're right, especially about allowing our kids to express their feelings. It took me a long long time until I was 37 to understand that feelings, and my very own included, are not something to be supressed and pushed down. I used to be the type of guy who would think that if someone, especially my significant other, expressed feelings that I thought were irrational, that it was just ridiculous. I was so ignorant back then until I realized that a man is not someone who ignores feelings, but recognizes them for what they are...feelings. It has helped me in a lot of ways with the kids, because somehow I knew a lot of times(not all the time of course)what was bothering them. I guess part of that is because of how I grew up with an alcoholic parent, at least I understand that it's not uncommon for codependents to come from this kind of background.
I've made some big mistakes in regards to my son. I have shown him the wrong thing, and it doesn't matter how much I may say that it's wrong to take verbal abuse(which I explained to him as someone cursing at you), the only way he is really going to learn is by my setting the example for him. I have been slipping on the job as a dad when it comes to that part, but something I know I have to work hard on.
I just want to again thank everyone for your responses today. Today has been a down day, but no matter what happens next week, I know it's another step past this nonsense. Next time....I am going to stick to my boundaries strictly. First one is my son will not be involved in my personal life with a woman unless I know without doubt that I am walking down the aisle with her......and I will never ever again even consider any kind of relationship with anyone who says the words FU or f'ing anything. It's disrespect and this experience has taught me a lot, especially that disrespect and verbal abuse only escalates