I'm so sorry (((Hope)))
You've had quite a full plate.
Sadly...I think the answer is to let go. She's forty hon, she deserves the chance to make her own mistakes.
I really really hope for the sake of everyone that she finds happiness, and she may, after she learnd for herself what that means.
I really think that even at the age of forty our "kids" get their dander up when we say "No".
I keep you and your family in my prayers..always
(((Hugs)))
Cece