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update on everything,please read,this is long..

Old 07-02-2007, 10:30 AM
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update on everything,please read,this is long..

where to start.....first off, i am going through a hard time right now of letting my daughter go. she is my pride & joy & getting ready to move 9 hrs away.we have always been close.she has been divoiced for 2 yrs. now & moving away to be near this man she has met.she says she has always been here for everybody & has always done what they wanted her too & now she is going to do what she wants too. my problem is i do not like this man, i do not trust this man.a year ago she went back to her ex husband to try & work things out. this man she is seeing i will call s. harassed the heck out of them. he took every email to her ex's job that she had ever written him while she was dating him.he run her off the road & made her stop to talk to him,& sent pics. of her to her ex & also all of her family members.(other than me but i saw them). they were not really vulger, but one of her laying on the bed face down with her bra & panties on,another one she was in the shower & it was a shadow of her through the glass.he also went to their house & demanded to talk to her, all of this while she was living back with her ex husband.actually they were separated,here you can not get a divoice untill u have been separated for a yr. she called it a fatal attraction at that time, now he is mr. perfect again.i tried to point all of this out,she does not want to listen.i know,not my problem but....what would you do? let her live it out? what if she marrys him? i think the man is vey controlling but i also i thnk he would b good to her as long as he is getting his way & she does everything he tells her too.tell me, what would u do? she is in her early fortys,not a baby at all but i am concerned about her when she is with him.do i let him come over with her & get to know him? tell me your opinion?
little j.is doing good right now.i hope he learns something.i hope he will pratice it when he comes home. j,my a.s. goes to court thursday. i think it will be continued this time.my brother is home.he has a nurse coming in 3 times a week & has a health care nurse aid 3 hrs a day. i do all i can for him & so does my sister.
i still need prayers for my family.thank you all who take the time to read this.you are my support & i need you all.hugs & prayers for all of you,hope
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:41 AM
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I'm so sorry (((Hope)))
You've had quite a full plate.
Sadly...I think the answer is to let go. She's forty hon, she deserves the chance to make her own mistakes.
I really really hope for the sake of everyone that she finds happiness, and she may, after she learnd for herself what that means.
I really think that even at the age of forty our "kids" get their dander up when we say "No".
I keep you and your family in my prayers..always
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:43 AM
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IMHO, as a daughter, most of us don't take to well to our parents telling us who to date. That alone somehow makes them that much more desireable. I am married now and haven't dated anyone my parents disliked since I was a teenager, but if I were to date again I doubt I would take mom's advice seriously. It's just in our nature. In fact, when hubby and I were dating, we broke up once for a small spell, and she tried and tried to put us back together, and it wasn't until she laid off that we were able to work things out.

I see nothing wrong with telling her how you feel, as long as you can not harp on it, which is what my mother would do. You definitely don't want to put her in a position where she feels like she has to choose you or him, as that would not go in your favor, based on what you told us here.

She'll learn, hopefully sooner than later.

*hugs*
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Old 07-02-2007, 11:48 AM
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Hi Hope. Its been awhile. You are in such a difficult place. You are on the outside looking in and can "see" all the negative with this man. But love blinds us to these defects. She wont see it now but in time she will. It may make her a stronger person to live through her own mistakes. It will help her learn. She may be 40 something, but I really believe that we learn everyday till we die. We make mistakes till we die. We love till the day we die. You now looking back on all the things my parents tried to shield me from, it made me who I am to walk through that. It gave me the strength to make better decisions later on in my life. My drug habbit was just two years ago, but it made me a better person for it. It taught me to teach my kids, to stand up for my mistakes, it taught me humility, etc. The is alot to be said for making mistakes and learning because of them.

Like Lady said above me, I would state your opinion and let it go at that. And if your able to just be there when she needs you.

You have my prayers and a good dose of hugs to go with it.
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Old 07-02-2007, 11:58 AM
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Hope, The greatest gift my mom ever gave me was to allow me to make my own mistakes and still loving me. She never gave me advice but she was there if I needed her. Other than that, there is not much that you can do. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:18 PM
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oh hope, i'm just going to send you some big mom hugs...blessings, k
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:28 PM
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I would share with her the 17 red flags post that is archived here somewhere and tell her you love her and let her go.

I am not a Mom but my Mom tried to tell me... about XABF and I was 46. I should have listened. My Grandmother warned me about by X husband. I should have listened.

I have my listener turned 'ON' now.. at age 51...
*sigh*
I will be praying for you and your family!
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Old 07-02-2007, 02:43 PM
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Oh, Hope, it's so hard watching them make such terrible mistakes, but maybe this is a lesson she needs to learn to make a better choice next time.

I'd have a hard time letting go too, but in the end it's the only choice we get.

Maybe give her the red flag list....and your blessing. Then say a prayer and leave the rest up to God.

Huge hugs because you deserve them.
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Old 07-02-2007, 03:12 PM
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I have made and continue to make decisions that my parents do not agree with. I do accept the responsibility for those decisions, and many times I have to pay the price.

They way I look at it:

I have not told them how to live their life, they have lived their lives on their own terms, and so must I.

I can see the same flags you do, but, it is her life, her choice.

All you can do is let go and pray.
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Old 07-02-2007, 03:50 PM
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The hardest thing to do is let our kids go. But we have no choice. We must learn to do it with grace. I am learning to not give unsolicited advice and that must include dealings with my son as well. I bite my tongue. He hates for me to teach, preach, nag. He knows my opinion on matters, I don't need to remind him of my opinions 'cause it just turns him off any way. I think his live-in girlfriend is a selfish mean disturbed woman. But I have never said a word.
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Old 07-02-2007, 04:15 PM
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Hope...I'm sorry...It is tough enough to have your daughter move so far away, but then to not like her choice...

I agree that other than telling her what you have told her, there is nothing you can do. She has to learn or maybe he has to change...I pray that it is the latter and they find happiness and you can accept him too. Hugs and prayers
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Old 07-02-2007, 04:36 PM
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sorry i'm so late on this, i agree with the others, maybe its time to let her figure this one out for herself. i also think that sometimes the more we disagree with their choices, the more attracted they become to whatever it is that we want to keep them away from. keeping you and your daughter in my prayers, glad to hear that little j is doing well still and i'm praying for your son j too.
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Old 07-02-2007, 04:50 PM
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(((((Hope))))))

Just sending support and love out to you tonight, sweetie.
I know it's hard to let go of your daughter. Doesn't matter how old she is. lol
She'll always be your little girl. My daughter's 20 and we have a good relationship.
Mainly because I let her live her life without question. I trust her to learn from her experiences and grow from them. Sending prayers that your daughter finds the happiness that she deserves. Be gentle with yourself, hope. That's all we can do.
Glad to hear Lil' J's doin' fine. Sending up prayers for all the "boys" in your life.
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Old 07-02-2007, 06:03 PM
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Sorry Hope that you are down and feeling sad. Your daughter is way, way old enough to know EXACTLY what she is getting into with this new man. Frankly, IMHO, that's a train wreck waiting to happen, but time will tell. You can let her know your feelings, but that is about it.
((HUGS))
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Old 07-02-2007, 07:00 PM
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Hope,
I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I sure do know what it's like to be worried sick over adult children. It's so hard to watch them make mistakes. But, unfortunately, they're not our little guys anymore, they're big people, who will learn and grow just like the rest of us.
Prayers are with your family, maybe tyr to think this is the way your hp wants it.
((( Hugs )))
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:42 PM
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i would give her the circle of domestic violence to read..it sounds like this man is very controlling and not dealing with a full deck.....it might not help, but you can say at least you tried...
dont harp on it too much, just tell her you love her, you only want the best for her because thats what she deserves, and you would like her to read something.

thats really all you can do......good luck
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:49 AM
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thank you for all your replys. i know you are all right. i can not stop her from doing anything even tho i do not agree.this man just scares me. you are also right that i could lose her & that is the last thing i want. my H.P. is in charge & just maybe this thing will play itself out. either way she has informed me she will be moving the first of august.i have told her how frightened i am for her & she has told me she wished she had never told me anything, that he is not like that. she is just so precious to me.please keep her in your prayers, along with the guys in my life.i was up early this morning & had a long meditation & now it is in His hands.i am blessed to have all of you to come to & check my thinking.hugs & prayers for all of you,
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