I have been dealing with my AH's alcoholism for 17 years now. I think for me things began to change emotionally when our son was born. My focus became raising our baby and his focus remained on the drinking. He was always going out to “watch the game” while I was left to be the responsible parent. He was emotionally unavailable and very selfish. My life revolved around his “game time”. He was part of the family when it was good for him and didn’t interfere with drinking time.
Since he worked nights, we got to feel the aftermath of his drinking when we got home for the day. The mood was often negative with off handed remarks about anything and everything that I just couldn’t bear to hear this day after day. Some of the remarks hurt my son’s feelings and that stuck with me. Over the years my feelings of love became replaced with anger and resentment. In my mind I was preparing to separate for quite a while.
Then I found out about many lies and deception about a “friendship” with another woman who he met at the bar. That was the last straw for me. He moved out 2 months ago and now my home has peace. I still have moments where I feel weak but have to do what is healthy for me and my son.