Xah and I were together for about 15 1/2 years. Those years were filled with denial of the seriousness and extent of the problem, alot of mental abuse with some physical abuse. The mind games were just unreal but so chaotic at the time that I didn't even realize half of them. There were fights, heartbreak and lots of tears and pain on my side - lots of anger, remorse, etc. on his but still the cycle continued.
Even after seperating - the merry go round of the game continued to spin for about 3 years.
When we initially seperated, I was sooooo angry! I was at a point where I was filled with anger and had that feeling of having come full circle (as I found myself in a situation I'd been in 15 years before) and realized that I'd gone nowhere but back to where we began.
Then after the 3 years of crap that followed our seperation, I began to really focus on my recovery. Slips and falls came but I finally realized that he wasn't going to change. And I learned to accept that. (Acceptance was a major key) And I realized that I had a choice - I knew that I couldn't save him - but I could save myself. So I chose to save myself.