Ditto....to what guineapigjude says....like her I stayed for 22 yrs until he left the family...and I remember all too well that "look"....and also I remember how his facial features just seemed to sag like gravity took hold....does anyone remember that? And he had a hair trigger temper in this state....which normally he was never like. The eggshell life is gone for us now and even tho somehow I still long for this abusive life I already feel healed...but then its been 2 years this coming 4th of July. I feel like I've been to war and back...right on the front lines.