My body is here - I didn't say anything about my mind! LOL!!!! Perfect example: while I was typing my initial response to cherryberry in the office, I heard AH say loud enough for me to hear, "Why does she have to be such a b****?" I dunno - maybe he was expecting his dog to give him the answer. That's his usual M.O. - to call me a b**** while he's in another room, but loud enough so I can hear. One night I came home and he was screaming it like some sort of Hindu mantra out in our garage.
I'm here in order to finish a college education; an education for which I sacrificed a lot of things I would rather have been doing. With that diploma, I have a shot at a far better job and in a field for which I am qualified. If things get bad enough, I have a fall-back plan to stay with a friend in Phoenix and look for work. It may come to that before I graduate in December. If it does, so be it.
It's all about detachment. It's all about looking at who is doing all the carrying on and realizing it's a sick, messed-up person. It's all about keeping my mouth shut if that is the best route to take. It's all about not believing anything I'm hearing. Period. I know God loves me, warts and all. I know I am not partaking in AH's little dramas any longer. I know it's not about me - it's all about HIM.
As a psychiatrist told me some years ago, "Alcoholics - they'll get ya comin' or goin'." So why get my dander up? I'm making plans to leave. I have a pretty good life on my own right now. Once I have a job that affords decent pay and benefits, I'll exit quietly, stage right. In the meantime, I hold onto God's love, walk in faith, and ignore the blah, blah, blah. Believe me, I didn't get this way overnight and I'm no great icon of recovery; after all, I'm still a codie! But I saw it for what it is: know the truth, and the truth WILL set you free.