It's all about expectations. I said to my AH around 5 I was going to the mall. I went to the mall, did some people watching, then took in a movie. I got home around 9:30. Fortunately, I just get the silent treatment - what a blessing! I don't have to put up with the looney quacking you have to contend with.
However, I have been accused of everything BUT adultery. Can't figure out why he hasn't tossed that one in my face yet .... maybe he's saving it for Christmas. I can tell you that I used to listen to him tell me what a piece of trash I am, how I have "anger issues," how I'm nothing more than a gold-digging leech, blah, blah, blah. I used to vent on the board here. I used to call my family and friends and carry on about the ridiculous accusations.
Then, I just got tired of it. I don't listen to him, I generally ignore him, and I know in my heart, beyond any doubt whatsoever, that what he thinks of me and tells me is HIS problem. It's a pack of lies, just like the lies he tells himself about his drinking. I got to the point that I realized I was living under the same roof with someone whose entire life is based on denial and lies and manipulation. That's when I could say to myself, "consider the source."
I built up a thick skin. I also refused to get into a discussion when he started on a rant. Sure, they accuse us of outrageous stuff. They have to blame someone other than themselves for their own mess, don't they? I would get in my car and leave if he started following me to another room. Sometimes I'd just look at him and not respond.
He eventually wore out. I just detached. Back in late '03 when my AH got home after 9 months in Iraq, he contemptuously said to me, "Well, missy, you got to live in a fine house for 9 months, didn't you?" Yeah, like as his wife I was supposed to move out and take up residence in a refrigerator box beside the freeway. I got so much of that looney stuff that I finally just didn't care anymore.
He's trying to control you. He IS abusing you. If you think he may escalate to the physical level, do something to get outta there fast. If you feel confident at this point that he's only going to just rant and rave, go out when you feel like it. You work. You earn money. You have the right (regardless of what the nut is telling you) to have a social life. I come and go as I please. Maybe I just got lucky, because AH gives me the silent treatment, but I don't get interrogated about my comings and goings.
You didn't do one doggone thing wrong. Don't buy into that b.s. he's trying to put over on you for a single second. Like I said, if you feel safe going out with your girlfriends, continue to do so. It's called having the right to have A LIFE - your's.