cherryberry

Sorry this is so long, but it needed a little explanation.

I went out last night. It was the first time since I can remember going out without AH in at least a year. Probably several. I don't have many friends and never go out, but decided it was time I did. I am allowed to be my own person and have some sort of social life, however minimal. I went to an after-work gathering and then met up with an old friend from high school that I hadn't seen in ages. She said another friend I hadn't seen in even longer was coming out too, just like old times. So I decided it would be a good idea to make a plan in case I ended up no good to drive. I am not much of a drinker at all, so it doesn't take too much. Not to mention that it was pouring down rain. My friend said I could stay at her place, just a short cab ride away.

So I called home and told him I wanted to be responsible and what the backup plan was. And boy if I didn't get the most ridiculous response possible. I won't spell it all out, but basically he threw out every crazy idea including "asking" (more like accusing) if my friend and I really just had plans to have sex with each other (what?? so I am suddenly a lesbian?) or what other devious things I must be up to. Also he was convinced it was not raining, I must have been making that up. It was pouring cats and dogs, lightening and all. Why couldn't I just leave right then, he wanted to know. Well, I wasn't ready to go, the other friend was on the way and I had only been there for a little while. And come on, the ONE night I go out after YEARS of staying home and taking care of everything while he goes out several times a week without even letting me know, just not coming home and ignoring his phone. I let him know he was being ridiculous and I didn't want to hear it any more. And so I went on with my night, ended up staying over at my friend's house, and got up early and came home the next day (Saturday). No problems, right?

WRONG. Apparently I am the most appalling two-faced hypocrite on the planet. How dare I ever have gotten upset with him for his regular alcoholic binges that waste ridiculous amounts of money (over $500 so far this month, as opposed to the $30 I spent), keep him home from work (he owns his own business so it is regularly closed when he doesn't show up), lose my trust (he never sticks to what he says, and continues behaviour he swears off over and over again, let his kids down), etc. Bottom line is, he is an alcoholic. I am not. I felt I was making a plan to be responsible, and being respectful by calling early on to let him know. When he has called me late into the night, already trashed, after having ignored my phone calls, I always ask him not to drive. I am upset by his behavior, but never the decision not to drive. All I ever ask for is a phone call out of respect.

Please somebody give me your opinion. I don't think I have done anything wrong. It is okay for me to have a few drinks with friends once in a blue moon (not a crazy binge) and then take responsibility for myself. But today he packed his things and left the house, because I am so two-faced and set such a bad example. Is this a control thing? Is he angry that I went out on my own and he was unable to control me? Is he jealous that he can't just go out and have a few drinks now and then because he is addicted to alcohol? I don't understand how he can even compare our behaviours considering his problem. Just because he can't handle alcohol doesn't mean I can't have it (even though I rarely do). What is going on here? I am bewildered by the irrationality and keep questioning whether maybe I did do something wrong, but I seriously don't think I did.