I blew it, I couldn't talk I was in the room 5 minutes and my counsellor said that when our session ended on Tuesday, she felt uncomfortable and unsure that talking right now is the best thing for me as she doesn't feel i'm ready and it might push me too far...and I agreed..the last few days I've had panic attacks about speaking...so I feel I've let myself down.. instead we spoke about how I see myself and life...I told her I hate everything about me and my life...and that drinking is the only time I have any confidence, drinking is the only time i can talk to people, relate to people. I got home a couple of hours ago and I've brought a litre bottle of vodka, I just want to numb out, forget everything. i'm not feeling too good today. sorry.