I stuck it out for many years, thinking I could change him, or maybe worried that he would get better without me. Instead, he got worse and my blanket of denial was so thick I didn't see it happening.
In Aug 2003 he went to a 28-day rehab, shockingly enough! I started Nar-Anon meetings at the same time and in meetings I kept saying I was there (at the mtgs) so that if he didn't get better, I would be ok. I also said I would give him two years and if life was the same or worse, I would have to end the relationship.
I realized when he lost his job at the end of July 2005 that he was getting much much worse. For two months he did nothing but binge and sleep. I knew I had to get out before the really crazy stuff started to happen. I didn't want to be there to see it. Didn't want my son to have to see it.
He got out of his first rehab Aug 24 2003 & I left Aug 29 2005 (a week after my 30th bday - coincidence? I think NOT)
All I can say is when the lightbulb moment happened for me I WAS BLINDED!!!!!
I spent 7 crazy yrs in chaos, just trying to survive. In all honesty, when I made that promise to myself in 2003, I probably didn't really believe I would do it. Could just be a coincidence that he had declined so much in the 6months before my bday and then BOOM, THAT WAS IT FOR ME!
When I left IT WAS FOR GOOD. When he resurfaced, I did not negotiate, did not give advice, did not tell him to go to rehab, nothing.
Until the lightbulb moment happens, it's important to work your program, go to F2F meetings and prepare yourself emotionally. Even while I was doing all that I was still telling myself maybe I didn't really have to leave.
But for me, leaving was necessary. I was the only stable parent my children have. They were my priority. I had had a really bad feeling the few weeks before I left, that something really terrible would happen and there was no way I would be responsible for letting that happen to my kids.
This is an old thread, but still one of my all-time favorites:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ou-detach.html
Another great one:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post644967